Introduction

Parents and teachers often seem to be at cross purposes. I frequently hear negative comments from teachers about parents.

"Just ten minutes," they say. "All I ask is that parents read with their children for ten minutes a night. Is that so difficult?"

Yes. Sometimes it is.

Parents, when I hear them talking casually, can be just as negative about teachers.

"Teaching is not my job," I overheard one mother comment at a baseball game. "That's what school is for. I have enough trouble getting the kids dinner and driving them around to all their activities and then I need a break. Brandon had two hours of homework last night and he still didn't get it done. I sent a note to the school to complain."

Beneath the complaints, however, it is clear that parents and teachers want the same thing. We all want to provide the best learning opportunities for every child. Can we work together to improve student learning? That's what I wanted to find out.

Part I How does the parent as story-teller affect student learning?

My father told wonderful bedtime stories. He gave us leading roles in adventures like Locked in the School, The Lost Pet, Home Alone, The Haunted Treehouse, Science Project Gone Wrong. Snuggled up against my father's soft sweater, we learned the tradition of story telling.

He also told stories of his childhood during the depression years. As he moved from house to house following Grandfather's employment opportunities, he would set up his armies of tin soldiers and stage endless variations of endless battles. But, when he was uprooted suddenly for a move from Font Hill to Welland, the soldiers were forgotten. Buried beneath an old maple tree, awaiting their next command. He planned the rescue a thousand times in his head. How he would sneak back in the middle of the night and dig up his little prisoners of war. He thinks they may be there still.

I pass these stories along to my children and to my students. A good story can travel down through the years, connecting the generations through familiar emotions: love and hate and fear and anger and sadness and loss. And joy. Above all, the joy is in the telling and the re-telling of the human experience. By sharing the stories of their childhood, parents can make a significant connection to their children's experiences with language.

In Shaping a Professional Identity - Stories of Educational Practice, Connelly and Clandinin note that teachers pose questions of identity as an important part of teacher knowledge. They not only ask "Who am I in my story of teaching?" but also want to know, "Who am I in children's stories?; Who am I in my administrator's stories? Who am I in parents' stories?"

By making the extra effort to earn trust and respect in parents' stories, teachers are forging partnerships that go beyond academic success. They are creating caring environments where teachers, children and parents feel a sense of belonging.

Teachers in Grand-Erie are using a variety of ideas to encourage the story-telling tradition in the classroom and in the home.

The Family Story is a homework assignment in which parents have the opportunity to share a story: a vacation, a funny incident or an important accomplishment by a relative can be topics. Students write the story in words or pictures, practice telling it at home and share it at school. A Caledonia teacher showed me a humorous story written by a grade one student about a barenaked lady on a balcony...the highlight of his Florida vacation.

The Story Parent: Request parent story tellers to share their stories with the class.

Publishing: Some classrooms have published selections of Family Stories, sending the precious volume home with each student for sharing.

In his article, Telling Stories, Our Own and Others, (Orbit, Volume 30, Number 3, 1999) David Booth says, "...our own personal stories can add to the fabric of the classroom, helping each individual recognise the value of his/her life experiences, and building with the group a sense of each person's story worth. We can be encouraged to listen to each other, respond to each other and build up our responses as a storying community."

The participation of parents enriches this community.

Part II How do parenting styles affect student learning?

Since the beginning of my teaching career in 1980, I have enjoyed building relationships with the parents of my students. Even the most challenging student is more likable when I have a partnership with the person who loves that child most of all. Most parents are supportive of teachers, but there have been some challenges, and a few nasty experiences. I interviewed twelve teachers from kindergarten to grade eight to ask about parenting styles that tend to make relationship-building a challenge.

The Buddy Parent

My first experience with this parent type was in 1985 when I was teaching Grade 8 in Milton, Ontario. Three boys arrived late after lunch for math, and one, call him Brad, fell off his chair. It turned out they had gone to Brad's house for lunch and got into his father's liquor cabinet. Parents were called and they all demonstrated a different reaction when they arrived. Steve's mother arrived promptly, agreed with the suspension and added that she planned to withhold telephone and television privileges for several days. Dan's father took a more extreme tact. He called the local police and they sent a cruiser to pick Dan up. The officer, as requested by Dan's father, gave Dan a warning about under-age drinking. Brad's father swaggered into the office with a huge grin on his face, put his arm around his drunken son, and told us, "boys will be boys!" as they left.

A recent example of this parenting style is recognizable in the Hamilton Spectator article, Makeup: Wrong Message (April 15, 2002). After a student was suspended from a Hamilton school for defying school rules and wearing makeup, the mother went to the media. "She wasn't defying the principal's authority," the mother claimed. "She was doing it on my authority." These parents want to be friends with their children, but may sacrifice the ability to provide guidance and appropriate role models.

The Defensive Parent

Many teachers I interviewed have had frustrating experiences with parents who have a thousandexcuses every time their child's homework isn't done. My teacher survey group seemed to agree that they have noticed an increase in this parenting style in the last twenty years. In the past, most parents supported the decisions of the teachers and the principal even if they didn't always agree with them. Things have changed. Parents expect to be included in the decisions which affect the mental and emotional and physical well-being of their children, and rightly so, but partnership means cooperation between parents and teachers, not competition. The defensive parent is often a controlling parent; a parent who has not given children the opportunity to make choices. Recent parenting studies (Globe and Mail, April 16, 2002) indicate that parents who are very strict often have children who do not feel guilt in the same way as parents who are more democratic. When decisions are always made for them, children have less ability to make good choices when it comes to social behaviour. Often, these parents jump to the child's defence when the teacher calls with a behaviour issue, because the parent is accustomed to solving the child's problems through punishment, rather than through discussion and appropriate consequences.

The Critical Parent

A grade one teacher reports that the letters of complaint she receives from parents have increased significantly in volume. She showed me one letter criticizing her for spending too much time with the students who needed extra help. The mother was upset that her daughter was feeling ignored. "A reply is expected," it stated at the bottom. The teacher was in tears.

Another example comes from a veteran Special Education teacher I interviewed who describes her current frustration with a parent who has been "fighting the system" since her son started school. She feels her son didn't learn to read because he was in the wrong program, had the wrong teacher in grade one, has a teacher who does not like him, has a principal who doesn't listen to her. The principal, the special education consultant and the superintendent had all spent endless hours trying to help her understand her son's needs, but it seemed that she was stuck in a cycle of criticism.

Parents of different cultural, social and/or educational backgrounds

I have recently joined the Board of Directors for the Pauline Johnson Day Care Centre in Brantford. It has been rewarding to see what such a support system can offer to teenage parents wishing to complete high school. Breakfast is provided every morning for parents and children, so all the young parent has to do is get there. The program leaders are trained to be nonjudgemental about the lifestyle choices that these teenagers have made, and as a result they have lots of opportunities to help out with issues like discipline and nutrition. The new Ontario Early Years Centres are also available to parents for support. As I visit schools throughout Grand Erie, I am happy to report the many attempts that teachers are making to connect with parents of different backgrounds than themselves. One kindergarten teacher at Major Ballachey School in Brantford involves her Asian parents in Chinese New Year celebrations. The best activity that I observed was the "eating rice with chop sticks centre". We learned quickly from the Asian students how to bend our faces very close to the bowl for success.

The "My Child is Gifted" Parent

This is a tough one. A kindergarten teacher interviewed has a student whose mother wants her daughter to skip from junior kindergarten to grade one because of her reading ability. This is a situation where the mother seems to think of school as a competition that her child needs to win. It is a scenario that is becoming more familiar to teachers in this fast-paced society. "There are many advantages to being the oldest in the class," she tells the mother, "like confidence with her peers. Also a good reader will enjoy school and have time for sports, music and volunteer work." But still the mother pushes on, paying for a professional psychological assessment, bringing in samples of her daughter's "work", and trying to collect medical evidence that her daughter is ready for grade one. The daughter is, quite predictably, anxious. Teachers in the survey group have increasing requests from parents to offer "more challenging programs". Parents sometimes complain, "my child is bored.." It is interesting to note that the children often are quite bright, but tend to be low achievers. Not handing in assignments, sloppy work habits and other inappropriate behaviour are some of the behaviours noted. This parenting style undermines the child's natural confidence and self-esteem. While teachers try to teach students that we all have strengths and weaknesses, these parents try to exploit the strengths and ignore the weaknesses. Teachers agree that these parents often push their children so hard that they get the opposite results that they expect.

For all the challenges, however, the teachers I interviewed agreed that parents, for the most part, are supportive of the teacher and the school system. In spite of busy careers and different backgrounds, most parents place importance on academic performance, appropriate behaviour and social development. They generally demonstrate a willingness to follow school policy and teacher suggestions.

To be fair, I interviewed parents, asking them to name some teacher stereotypes that made partnerships difficult. They came up with "The Screamer", "The Tough Jock", "Teachers who don't like kids", "Teachers who should have retired a few years ago." But they tempered these negative stereotypes by admitting that it was good for their children to know how to get along with many different types of people. They may have to work for bosses some day that may be screamers or toughies. And parents admitted that their experiences had been mostly positive.

One parent, however, brought up an incident when a teacher had been "dismissive" of a concern she had about bullying. The word, "dismissive" seemed to trigger a few other parents to admit that they had encountered that attitude on occasion. They talked about the feeling of being told, "Don't worry about it", when the issue was a real concern. But they were reluctant to become "problem parents". One mother said she worried that her child would suffer the consequences if she got on the teacher's bad side.

Part III How does the changing role of parenting affect student learning?

On my recent trip to Beijing, I talked to several people about parenting in China. Here are overviews of three of the interviews.

Chen Meijuan: Our tour guide from the University of Beijing was a woman introduced to us as Mrs. Chen. A lively woman, quite competent in English in her mid to late forties, she, like Chinese parents throughout the country, has only one child. This law has made a tremendous shift in parenting styles over the last twenty years. Since all families consist of only children, they are known as "Little Emperors," spoiled by two doting parents and four doting grandparents who often fight over the right to care for him/her. Mrs. Chen said, "When I was young, I was doing everything to please my elders. Now I am doing everything to please my daughter. Young people here do not have jobs. They study very hard. Take music lessons. Money is saved for university. Marks are very important to have the best opportunity. Only the rich can send their children to Canada or Australia for university. The rest fight for the best spots here. Marks must be very high, especially for the courses that lead to high paying jobs like maths and sciences and engineering. Teaching pays very bad. Around two hundred fifty dollars a month with room and board, or five hundred without."

Eileen Chan is a successful real estate agent who took us shopping at an outdoor market where she helped us haggle for the best prices on items like silk kimonos, Chinese arts and crafts, chop sticks and teapots. She has a modern arrangement for the care of her daughter, four years old. "My daughter starts school at six years. If you want kindergarten you pay. Very expensive. I have a contract with my parents to raise her. Very common in China now. Both parents have careers to make money. Work long hours. When I got pregnant, I know I don't have time for child, so I tell my mother, You want baby? I will pay you and you can raise her. I see my daughter on weekends and holidays. My mother agree. Sign contract."

Prof. Tso teaches math at the University of Beijing. He has one son. His parents and his in-laws and he and his wife and his son all live together in residence on the university campus in the twobedroom apartment provided. His son, Luke, studies at a nearby middle school where he is good at math. He wears a simple school uniform that looks like an Adidas sports outfit. Thousands of kids on their way to school in the morning have similar outfits. Only the colours are different. I saw red, green and orange outfits on kids who walked, biked and rode on the back of their parents bikes in the early morning smog of Beijing. Luke is very busy. "Very beezee!" everyone here says about their lives. He goes to school, does about two hours of homework, and practices the violin for an hour. Sports are just beginning to be popular, but, except for the playing fields and gyms on campus, there are few facilities. Music and art take precedence for after school activities. Because they are privileged to live on campus, Luke can play basketball occasionally.

These parents are like all parents everywhere, trying to make the best possible life for themselves and their children, and too often economic prosperity becomes the main goal. Since the end of the Cultural Revolution, the Chinese have taken a manic attitude toward "getting ahead." They have one child to pin all their hopes on, and this is becoming a problem. These "only children" have the responsibility to care for aging parents and four aging grandparents. Some young people are finding the pressure too much. Suicide is prevalent among teenagers who cannot cope with the intense competition at school. The Sunday Post in Hong Kong on April 21, 2002 reported, "Seven Die in Day of Suicides."

Compare the changing role of parents in China to the changes Canadian parents have coped with in the last generation. Parents are under pressure. Among the newspaper articles I have collected in the past year, some of the titles are: Parents: don't be the weakest link (Hamilton Spectator) ; Teenaged moms often resist ready support; (Hamilton Spectator); Cruel, sadistic parents (Canadian Press) .

As teachers, we have some idea of what it is like to feel under-appreciated or misunderstood. We struggle with changing roles, too. And many teachers identify with the difficulties involved in parenting because we, ourselves are working parents.

Summary

Can parents and teachers work together to improve student learning?

• I have learned that parents and teachers and students all need to feel that they are important in the school community. We can foster a culture of improvement by sharing our stories.
• I have learned that the attitude of parents toward education has a tremendous effect on student learning. A parent I interviewed in Caledonia makes reading a priority, taking her children to Kumon for weekly programs. "It costs far less than hockey registration," she says.
• I have learned that the majority of parents surveyed say they are satisfied with EQAO results, even when they are below provincial standards. Parents told me that they recognize that the results reflect achievement in a more demanding curriculum than when they attended school.
• I have learned that parents appreciate it when schools make a conscientious effort to connect with the needs of their communities; to reach out with breakfast programs and sports programs and drama presentations even though funding for extra curricular programs has been dramatically cut. Academic excellence is only one factor in today's school system.
• I have learned that, above all, parents want a safe place where their children are liked and where they like to go. A place that welcomes them with a sense of belonging. Where children learn about good citizenship. They want their kids to be happy. Academic achievement is the secondary concern for the parents I talked to.
• I have learned that connections must be made as early as possible. Junior kindergarten is a critical time to build relationships with parents. A spokesperson for Frontier College, Canada's successful literacy project which sends teachers all over the country to promote literacy, said on a recent CBC program, "We must raise the floor of parenting." I think Dr. Fraser Mustard would agree. We have a demanding curriculum. We are raising the professional development requirements for teachers. We are recognizing the difference that literacy in the home makes to a child's early years.
• I have learned that literacy programs in some inner city areas and isolated rural areas have been successful. Dale Willows from OISE has statistics which show that parent support is a key factor in successful literacy levels. But it is not crucial. "We can do 100% of the literacy teaching in the early years at school if we have to." Dale states emphatically. "But the teaching has to be excellent. We cannot use poor parenting as an excuse."
• I have learned that schools have tried many different approaches to promote literacy in the home. A kindergarten teacher in Cayuga offers lunch hour workshops. Two teachers in Caledonia offer an after-school workshop with babysitting by grade 8 students provided. A Brantford school offers pizza to parents who attend supper-hour workshops.
• I have learned, after performing over a thousand reading assessments using the DRA (Developmental Reading Assessment), that reading with a child one on one is very important. It is so respectful to sit with a child and give them the message, AYou are very important. I am going to give you all my attention while I listen to you read." All children appreciate it. Low readers appreciate the extra time they are given, the patience I can give them when there are not 30 other students vying for my attention. They appreciate the prompts that help them figure out the text. Good readers love to read one to one, too. They do not often get the chance to perform in front of a captive audience of one and have their skills acknowledged. Parents need to know that they can be this audience.
• I have learned that, despite some negative experiences and stereotypes, most parents and teachers are willing to work together to improve student learning.

Next Steps

• Teachers and parents need to find ways to communicate in positive language when it comes to discussions about student learning and the physical, mental and emotional well-being of each child. We can acknowledge that, although there are stereotypes of bad teachers and problem parents, most of us are willing to look for the best in each other and focus on our common goal, student learning.
• Parents need to learn the strategies that promote good reading. Teachers need to offer specific strategies and demonstrate how and why they work. We need to investigate the best ways to present them, according to the needs of the community.
• Teachers, mostly white, middle class, and university educated, have a distinct advantage when it comes to understanding the benefits of literacy. We sometimes make the mistake of assuming that all parents are capable of supporting their child's home reading program. We need some creative ideas to connect with isolated parents and offer support to parents who do not have cars. Parents who cannot plan ahead to attend a certain workshop at a certain time on a certain day. Parenting is overwhelming at the best of times, but teachers encounter many families who are struggling with security needs. (Maslow's Hierarchy of Human Needs: Toward a Psychology of Being, 1968) Through understanding, we can work toward "raising the floor of parenting."
• Teachers struggle to make connections with parents on top of all their other duties. We needto find ways to make communication with parents easier. The teachers I interviewed have been conscientious about making phone calls, welcoming parent helpers into the classroom and offering training opportunities like the All Star Reading program. They provide suggestions for "friendly homework" in the agenda, offer home reading programs such as "Snuggle Up and Read", and send home co-operative math activities in the "Math Totes". I observed a grade one teacher modelling a AHome Reading Session". She role-played the part of a busy parent and had the kids brainstorm ideas of how to get "Mom" away from the T.V. or "Dad" away from doing the laundry so they could read together. We need a forum to share the ideas that are successful.

Can the home-school connection improve student learning? I believe it can. How can we accomplish it? One parent at a time.

References

Booth, D. (1999). Telling Stories, Our Own and Others. Orbit, 30(13).

Connelly, F.M. & Clandinin, D.J. (1999). Shaping A Professional Identity. New York: Teachers College Press.